By Genevieve V. Foley (auth.), Aubrey Milunsky MB.B.Ch., M.R.C.P., D.C.H. (eds.)
For over two decades i've got approved the problem and had the privilege of taking care of unwell childrens, agonizing with their mom and dad in periods of great disorder, which have been occasionally deadly. due to my specific curiosity in and obstacle approximately start defects and genetic sickness, a lot of those teenagers had serious disabling handicaps, which have been frequently genetic and incorporated psychological retardation. for this reason care of those teenagers and their households was once usually complex by means of the presence of great or profound genetic defects. The preliminary consciousness of the character of the disease normally ended in emotional . problems and necessarily later spawned continual misery. For a few young ones inexorable deterioration resulted in premature deaths, whereas the oldsters agonized over their handi capped, chronically sick, or defective-but however loved---
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They explained that God controls everything in the world, and that he and his children must have committed some sin they were not aware of to cause God to punish them. But that was not what Job wanted or needed to hear. He did not need theology. He needed sympathy and human companionship. He needed someone to hold his hand and tell him that he was a good person who deserved better, not someone to point a finger at him and tell him he must have done something pretty bad to deserve this. The same holds true for our conversation here this morning.
The problem is that the children need parents to help make things all better when the parents themselves need consoling and when they feel young and vulnerable, too. THE BEREA VED PARENT 33 It can also be dangerous to take one's dead child, who was sometimes good and sometimes bad, and turn him into a saint. How, after all, can anyone live up to the image of a canonized sister or brother? How many youngsters turn instead to the negative sides of their makeup in order not to compete? Parents should also understand the necessity of an honest discussion.
It is important to dis- 28 HARRIET SARNOFF SCHIFF courage a private funeral in order to help keep the channels of communication with friends and family open so that the grieving will not seem to end when the funeral is over. If the funeral service is private the people who make up our support system will assume the grieving is also private, and then we have disaster compounded with disaster because grieving must never be private. It is a community affair and a community responsibility. An additional difficulty that is perhaps unique to this country is our transiency.